New York Eyes, Chicago Thighs

Gahh. I hate when people push. At the cast party I was having fun, and the ENTIRE time "someone" was practicly pushing me onto this guy. I was content with hanging out with everyone, and I just sorta hung out with this guy because he is fun. Well, apparently "someone" thought that it meant that I was flirting or something because the whole time they were being rediculous. Like trying to get me to hook up with this guy...like WHAT THE HELL? I dono why this is still bothering me, but it is. It doesn't help that "someone" is still saying stuff about it. Maybe he knows something I dono, but I don't get why he's pushing this guy on me so much. 

I don't get it. 
Maybe that's what's bothering me abou it.
In fact, I bet that is why I'm so bothered.
Because I don't get why.


Grrrr.

P.S. I busted up my foot. I for sure broke my toe and I'm pretty sure I effed up my foot. It hurts like a biotch.

Wow. What a mood. For some reason I've felt like doing nothing, but sitting around for years doing nothing. I hate doing nothing, but lately I've sorta been feeling like I can't do anything right. And whenever something good happens it ends up being overshadowed by the shit in my life.

All I ever do is sleep. So I'm always tired. My friends have all sort of disappeared. They're busy with their own lives leaving me alone a lot. 

The one thing I was super excited about was the Co-host a Show With Dirty contest, but like everything I'm getting owned by the other contestant. I have 7 votes she has 96. I still have like 45 days before its over, but I can't imagine what would suddenly make people interested in voting for me over her. 

If I don't try nothing can happen. Sounds like a plan. Nothing is happening when I try so why put forth the effort just to be kicked down?

Welcome to my new motto.

"No effort equals no disappointment."

Sorry. I don't mean to be a killjoy, I just am. *shrug*

I feel like a worn out spectator of a movie on fast forward. My life has been nothing, but a constant blur of work, school, work, school and the minor bits of a social life that I can mannage to smoosh in the middle of that cycle. A bunch has been going on lately, so I won't distract you with mindless banter. On to the happenings of late:

1.) Work is cutting hours...yet somehow I got like 5 shifts last week, including 2 doubles (so really 7 shifts). This week I have 2. That's pretty much rediculous. 

2.) It took him two weeks, but Mr. Whores-a-Lot finally realized we weren't friends. He didn't say much about it. Makes me want to punch him. Glad I mean so much to you that it took you two weeks to realize. It makes me laugh to hear the general concensis of negative concerning him. Your actions, they always come back around. Makes me smile to remember that.

3.) Thursday we read my most recent play in one of Bill's classes. It went over horribly. When I left a big part of me wanted to cry, and eat my weight in ice cream. But this time a smaller, yet stronger force took over. I've taken up this attitude of "No fear, no regrets, just life" and that attitude involves me giving up on the pessamistic cinicism of life. Life's too short to spend it that way. So that stronger part of me stepped up and said, "Hey, here's what they said. Use it. Find the bright side. Open that door and go through it. Don't stand around in the lobby trying to open a locked door that leads to no where" and that was that. They kept saying that my writing is made for 14 year olds, so, the silver lining? I write crack for kids that will play daily on the Disney channel and go home and roll in my money every night. Selling out? Nope. I want people to appreciate and enjoy my work. If kids are the ones doing that then so be it. I don't think there's anything wrong with making a kid happy. So that's that.

4.) Thursday day was sooo against me. First I had my play shit happen, then I went to get my paycheck (cause they nornally come in on Thursdays) because I was in major need of it, and of course the one week in the 7 months I've worked there it doesn't come in on Thursday. Ce la vi (or however it's spelled) I borrowed it from my brother so I was set.

5.) The Sleeping With Giants Tour was Thurday night. I got there at 5:30 and stood in like to get in for an hour and a half. When I got in there I got a kick ass shirt and then I got a kick ass place in the crowd. Sherwood was awesome. They needed their mics turned up a bit louder but all together they were awesome. The Rocket Summer was fantastic. I had heard his song on Movie Tunes while cleaning theaters and didn't even realize it. I really enjoyed his performance. Armor for sleep was....kick ass. Man. It was fun. The guy in front of me got his snake bite ripped out a bit. I was like...."uck". I felt really bad for him, it looked like it hurt a lot. Then The Academy Is...came on. My god are they amazing. William Beckett is pretty kick ass, and he puts on a damn fine show. The entire time I was moshing and jumping and getting into it & I loved every moment of it. It's amazing how the pain doesn't hit you until you're out of it. For hours you're just in a perfect state. I don't know why, but there is something so fun about moshing and participating in concerts like that. It's freeing. The downside? You leave reaking. Like, for serious. You can't smell yourself during the concert cause everyone else is sweaty and gross like you, but once you're in your car driving home you're like..."Damn. *rolls down window*" lol. So after the concert I went up to the merch table and met up with some of Sherwood and Bryce Avary (the rocket summer). 

Joe was the first memeber from Sherwood that I met. He's the drummer & he is a total sweety. It went down like this:
Me: Could I get a picture with you? 
Joe: *Adorable, sweet smile* Absolutly
Me: Oh...I don't have anyone to take it
Joe: No worries, we'll just take it the old fashon was *he hold his hand out as if he was holding the camera*
Me: Good idea.
Joe: *throws arm around my shoulder, pulling me close*
And tada!


I am soooo in love with this picture. If I didn't mention that he was famous it looks kinda like we are friends or something cause we're all cuddly together. I love it. Heck, I love him. He's adorable and amazingly sweet. I could find myself loving him :o) . He's got curly hair too, that makes me melt on it's on. Mmm, <3 Joe.

I then got him to autograph my jeans. That was soon followed by a few other autographs, including Bryce.


He was on the other side of the table so it seemed like I was meeting someone famous in a very impersonal way, but he's adorable, so it's all good lol. 

I got some cool pics from the concert. Check some of my favorites out:
Sherwood

The Rocket Summer

Armor For Sleep

The lead singer of Armor for Sleep, who kinda looks like Justin Long to me.

The Academy Is...

William Beckett (Lead singer of The Academy Is...)


Alright. That's about it for now. As you should be able to see it was a really awesome time. 

Oh geeze, I almost forgot!!!!

I just bought my Young Wild Ones Tour ticket! 

                                                                                   -Cute is What we Aim For
                                                                                   -Plain White T's
                                                                                   -Gym Class Heroes
                                                                                   -and FALL OUT BOY
I'm stoked. It's gonna kick major ass! 
November 21st. 
We have to road trip to get there too. 
It's gonna be sweet!

Ok. Now I'm going.

<3 Much Love <3

Well. I've got to post about this sometime. Might as well be now. I don't really feel like going into the whole story. It's hillarious at times, but it's long. So here's the short version:

Went to a party on Saturday. Had loads of fun. Got drunk. Not tooo drunk, just drunk enough to be drunk, but I still knew what was going on. Well, first of all my stupid ass started telling him (who will remain nameless because it's better that way) how much I liked him and how I had a crush on him....dumb. So hours later we're walking back to a dorm room and I hugged him & he kissed me. That was just the first of many make-out sessions this night, with only him. Unfortunatly HE was not too interested in which girl he was making out with. So I was the first of three, which he later bragged about. I got sooo upset that night that I tried to walk back to my car, which didn't last long becuase I was in Ames and had no idea where I was or where my car was. The next morning he, of course, rememberd everything (as did I). He wanted to know if I regretted it...what do you say to that?? He said he didn't so I agreed, played it off expertly. I did say that I was embarrassed about it, cause I was, I still am. Now I feel like a total whore. I'm just not the type of girl to do that sort of thing with someone when it doesn't mean anything. I'm not a guy, I can't have conquests, I can't see just how many notches I can get on my belt. I don't work that way. I am not even willing to kiss someone unless it means something. Worst part about it is that to me it was amazing because I've liked him for...god knows how long, and for him it was something exciting to brag about, 3 girls in one night...that's all I was to him. *shakes head* That, in it's own makes me feel like a whore, and that's not even including my own feelings. 

I have to give giant props to the amazing Steffy, who has been talking to me about it since it was happening. She's been trying her hardest to convince me that I am not a bad person, and one day it'll sink in. She's awesome. Danke Steffy! <3

I've decided that for now I'm giving up on boys and booze. Not so much on their own, but when they're together. It's a self control issue, and unless I've got an awesome friend there with me that's going to keep their head about them and be able to watch out for me I can't put myself in that situation until I learn some self control.

Wanna know the worst part about this whole story?? The part of me that doesn't have time to worry about the morality of it all, is like "Go team! That was awesome!" lol. Talk about a confusing and conflicted person. *rolls eyes at self*

Anyway, this was a lot of personal stuff. I probably should have warned you before hand, but ya know. Now I guess you just know me a little bit better. *shrug*

Another wallpaper. We've got Panic! at the Disco on this one. It's just lyrics from their songs.


A "Grey in LA" wallpaper. Lyrics from the song "Grey in LA" ...obviousally lol


Some icons. 
[1-2] Brendon Urie/ I write Sins Not Tragedies
[3] Patrick Stump
[4-5] Singstar
1.)  2.) 3.) 4.)  5.)

So yea...that's what I keep myself busy with all night. Now I'm off to make more :o)

I'm bored so here are some of my favorite lyrics, who they're by and why I love them so:

                    "You want apologies
                     Girl, you might hold your breath
                     Until your breathing stops forever, forever
                     The only thing you'll get 
                     Is this curse on your lips: 
                     I hope they taste of me forever"
                   ["Chicago is so Two Years Ago" by Fall Out Boy]
I love this line. It's so straight forward, yet it's got such a bite to it. It's one of the many lines that makes "Chicago is so Two Years Ago" one of my top 10 favorite songs.

                  "Oh I'm sorry, 
                   My name is Travvy and I'm pretty much a big deal. 
                   Oh you never heard of me? 
                   Hum, that sounds absurd to me."
                 ["Clothes off!" by Gym Class Heroes]
Haha. I love this line just because it's what GCH is all about. A lot of Travis's lines are like that, and I like that about him. He likes himself and he's not afraid to let people know, yet he doesn't make himself sound like an ass in the process, what a talent lol!

                "From day one I talked about getting out
                 But not forgetting about
                 How all my worst fears are letting out
                 He said "Why put a new address on the same old loneliness?" 
                 When breathing just passes the time
                 Until we all just get old and die
                 Now talking's just a waste of breath 
                 And living's just a waste of death
                And why put a new address on the same old loneliness?
                And this is you and me and me and you
                Until we've got nothing left!"
              ["Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying (Do Your Part to Save the Scene and Stop Going to Shows)" by Fall Out Boy]

             "I'm the new cancer, never looked better,
              you can't stand it.
             Because you say so under your breath.
             You're reading lips "When did he get all confident?" 
            ["There's a Reason These Tables Are Numbered, Honey, You Just Haven't Figured it Out Yet" by Panic! at the Disco]
This is Brendon Urie confidence & that's just sexy lol. This song is amazing, it's my favorite on their CD and this line just epitimizes the song in all its awesomeness.

           "Drama doesn't follow me
            It rides on my back.
            I may be ugly
            But they sure love to stare."
          ["There's a Class for This" by Cute is What we Aim For]
This line IS me. It's my theme if you will. I heard it and I was like "Wow, you said it, my man" lol.

         "My insides are copper 
          I'd kill to make them gold"
        ["Sending Postcards From a Plane Crash (Wish You Were Here)" by Fall Out Boy]
Who hasn't felt this way? I feel like this is saying "I feel awkward, out of place, and inadequit, and I'd do whatever to make myself just seem normal" that's why I love it so much.

       "I only want sympathy
        In the form of you crawling into bed with me"
      ["Dance, Dance" by Fall Out Boy]
Um. Favorite lyric of the song. Don't waste your time sympathizing for me unless you're going to put your money where your mouth is...in less words ;o)

      "Sometimes it's hard to know
       What's real
       When you're not" 
     ["Remember to Feel Real" by Armor for Sleep]
I love it because it's true. No further explanation needed.

    ''Cause baby you weren't the first or the last or the worst 
     And I've got to fill the blanks in the past with a verse 
     We could sit around and cry
     But frankly you're not worth it anymore
     This is sorry for the last time
     This is how you get by
     The moral this time is
     Girls make boys cry" 
   ["When I Get Home You're So Dead" by Mayday Parade (a compilation of lines, they aren't consecutive)]
I love the line "you weren't the first or the last or the worst" what a burn! I have eventually felt this way about pretty much everyone I've been unfortunate enough to waste time giving my heart too (Minus the girls make boys cry part). Eventually you reach a point in relationships that are over (of any kinds, friendships to) where you just stop caring and you're just like, it's not worth all the BS anymore. Thanks to Mayday Parade for compiling that feeling.

    "Stop getting up for the let down
     Oh, who you are is not up to them 
     Stop getting up for the let down
     And I'm here to say that you're the star you wanna be 
     Just open up and look inside you will see
     Someday you'll sing it out loud 
     One day this will make you proud 
     Whoa oh, "I know..."
     Whoa oh.
     Someday you'll sing it out loud 
     One day this will make you proud
     Whoa oh, "I know..."
     "I know..." is never good enough"
   ["Say Anything (Else)" by Cartel]
Stop wasting your life waiting for other people's opinions. They can't tell you how to be you. And saying "I know" doesn't mean anything if you don't actually stop. Just heard this song tonight and I love it. Way to go Cartel for the kick ass lyrics.

     "I am no gentleman, I can be a prick 
      And I do regret more than I admit
      You have been followed back to the same place 
       I sat with you drink for drink
      Take the pain out of love and then love won't exist"
   ["Everything We Had" by The Academy Is...]
This song has such a haunting sadness to it. I am sorta drawn to it, and I can't tell ya why cause I have no idea. What a beautiful confessional. "Take the pain out of love and then love won't exist" is probably the most honest and true lyric I've heard in a long time. I heard it and it just caught me. 

Ok so now you've been bored with lyrics I love and why I love them I'm going to bed.

With the More Love Than You Could Find in a Lyric,
Mindie

Sooo. The new weekend plan:

-Work Saturday morning (Good god if someone won't trade me I'll be super pissed)
-Go see Superbad with Nate and Patrick.
-After Superbad go to Ames. Party like a rockstar at Patrick's place. 
-Drink at least 1 Irish Car Bomb. (If everything goes according to plan)


Well, there is no plan past getting drunk as fuck at Patrick's place. It could get crazy. Apparently Nate and Pat are both crazy drunks, so we'll see. This will be my last crazy blow out before school starts. It'll be fun. I'm super excited. 

"Oh no it's the cops" lol. Superbad is going to be amazing. Seth Rogen would not let me down :o)

I was upset about earlier today, but I gave up on it. Life's too short. If I don't go with the flow I'm just gonna get left behind. So here I am, setting up camp in my floatation device and rollin' along.

Life's good, and if it's not...it will be.
Mindie

Well, this is my first post, and shockingly enough it's on matters of the heart. Not gonna lie...most will be. 

I found the perfect guy for me. I didn't think it was possible, but every guy I've ever liked seems silly compared to this one. We love all the same music. We enjoy all the same movies. We get along great. And we're friends. That's the problem. The guy that is perfect for me is just my friend. Trust me when I say that I'm not complaining. I love spending time with him and I love that we're friends. It's just that for once I could truely see myself falling in love. Like real love. I keep telling myself not to though because it would be horrible to fall that deeply for someone who doesn't feel the same way. For now I'll just smile, and enjoy our time together, knowing that soon the perfect guy for me will be gone.....

(How's that for setting the tone to this journal?? Seems like a winner to me lol.)

Love 4Real,
Mindie